haven't 'blogged' in a while.
have been SO rightly busy. and i say rightly because ive been revising and working, and going out as a 'privilege' and so indulgences like watching gossip girl online and 'blogging' have been ignored.
and ofc, looking for a prom dress, which im still doing. and found my actual dream dress today, and came home and realised my best friend had it. and now i hate her, only im pretending i love her, and i love her in it, even though i dont.
and then i feel like a bitch for thinking that.
and then i dont, because i want my dress.
huhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
(sigh)
feeling slightly unfulfilled atm.
ive been so great this week, like on a total high.
went to amsterdam, saw anne frank and all that jazz.
fell in love with this dutch boy who i met at this museum, but he didnt speak english.
so it sort of failed.
epically.
but he was stunning.
and we kept smiling at each other when we kept meeting during the tour.
it was lovely <3
he was lovely <3
isn't it weird how you can meet someone, know nothing about them & then miss them when you know you will never see them again.
god, im so depressing.
this is such a ramble, but i know why its a ramble.
its a ramble because im unfulfilled.
and im unfulfilled because i feel needy.
and i feel needy because i have no 'significant other'.
like a boyf.
like a boyfriend.
:(
and its not like im desperate.
like i'll have anyone who gives me a thumbs up.
because thats the problem, i wont.
im fussy, im picky and intense, and he has to be my definiton of lovely <3
and thats not the most beautiful guy in the world, with the nicest abs, and nicest...cheek bones? just lovely <3.
someone who can make the sun shine even when its raining outside.
in my head, anyway.
like the boy from the museum only accesible.
and i cant seem to find him, vice versa.
huhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
have been SO rightly busy. and i say rightly because ive been revising and working, and going out as a 'privilege' and so indulgences like watching gossip girl online and 'blogging' have been ignored.
and ofc, looking for a prom dress, which im still doing. and found my actual dream dress today, and came home and realised my best friend had it. and now i hate her, only im pretending i love her, and i love her in it, even though i dont.
and then i feel like a bitch for thinking that.
and then i dont, because i want my dress.
huhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
(sigh)
feeling slightly unfulfilled atm.
ive been so great this week, like on a total high.
went to amsterdam, saw anne frank and all that jazz.
fell in love with this dutch boy who i met at this museum, but he didnt speak english.
so it sort of failed.
epically.
but he was stunning.
and we kept smiling at each other when we kept meeting during the tour.
it was lovely <3
he was lovely <3
isn't it weird how you can meet someone, know nothing about them & then miss them when you know you will never see them again.
god, im so depressing.
this is such a ramble, but i know why its a ramble.
its a ramble because im unfulfilled.
and im unfulfilled because i feel needy.
and i feel needy because i have no 'significant other'.
like a boyf.
like a boyfriend.
:(
and its not like im desperate.
like i'll have anyone who gives me a thumbs up.
because thats the problem, i wont.
im fussy, im picky and intense, and he has to be my definiton of lovely <3
and thats not the most beautiful guy in the world, with the nicest abs, and nicest...cheek bones? just lovely <3.
someone who can make the sun shine even when its raining outside.
in my head, anyway.
like the boy from the museum only accesible.
and i cant seem to find him, vice versa.
huhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
(sigh)
i feel like the only singleton in a world of married inbreds.
only im 16, i shouldnt feel like this already.
yes, when im 30, and lonely, and single, and fat and working in an office, and cellibate for a year, then i can feel like this, and no one can argue with me.
but now,
its like, i have so many other things on,
yet they mean nothing.
well they mean something, but not enough compared to this.
and its not even that im lonely, because im not.
i have the best friends, family & what not around me.
i have boys as best friends, weirdos, and boys who think i like them and text me incessantly.
only to be loved, you have to feel loved.
and its hard to feel loved if the feeling is one-sided.
yes, so he says i'm this & im that.
so?
so what?
it means nothing when he says it.
because its him.
i want someone else to say it.
someone who will fulfill me.
and be lovely <3
anyway.
nice weather, eh? ;)
i feel like the only singleton in a world of married inbreds.
only im 16, i shouldnt feel like this already.
yes, when im 30, and lonely, and single, and fat and working in an office, and cellibate for a year, then i can feel like this, and no one can argue with me.
but now,
its like, i have so many other things on,
yet they mean nothing.
well they mean something, but not enough compared to this.
and its not even that im lonely, because im not.
i have the best friends, family & what not around me.
i have boys as best friends, weirdos, and boys who think i like them and text me incessantly.
only to be loved, you have to feel loved.
and its hard to feel loved if the feeling is one-sided.
yes, so he says i'm this & im that.
so?
so what?
it means nothing when he says it.
because its him.
i want someone else to say it.
someone who will fulfill me.
and be lovely <3
anyway.
nice weather, eh? ;)
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