katycakesss

i love this girl. alot.
she makes me happy. alot.
she has lovely eyes + hair and dyes it. alot.
we go to the cinema. alot.
we watch scary movies. alot.
we text alot.
her dad makes me rofl. alot.
but he pisses her off. alot.
she makes me laugh. alot.
i want to eat her. alot.
but i would be sent away. alot. if i did this.
you should go to her blog. alot.
because she's amazing. alot.
i love this girl. alot.
and her name is katy race.
/x/x/x/
au revoirrrrr chicas ;)

topshop autumn selection
I ended up buying: Binocular Ring (£6.50) + the White Knit Cardigan (£42-48 [prices vary)




urban outfitters autumn selection
Bought the Patchwork Sunburst Wallet (£24) + the Lace Cardigan (£38 + worth every it)




all saints autumn selection.
Tia Bracelet (£35). Tempted to purchase the Belgique Short Gillet (shirt) which was on sale (£21) from £70








had a lovely shop in oxford street yesterday, and i am pleased to say it was VERY successful. seeing as my new dslr is coming at some point in the very near future, I'll just have to cooperate.
TOPSHOP. URBAN OUTFITTERS. UNI QLO. ALL SAINTS.and i would say river island but i just feel like for the prices they ask for the quality sort of edges on new look. no disrespect to new look, I used to love that place but its just....URH. and my once blossoming love for ALL SAINTS is deteriorating at quite a steady place after they led me on. appeared to be offering me a 16 hour pw job (kerching) and then slipping it out from underneath my feet. I've been boycotting them ever since and heading next door to topshop. i suggest you do the same :)
So they're all that I shop at nowadays and yes, they can be quite pricey shops for someone with no job (yet) but that's where parents come into the equation ;)








Topshop have a great Autumn collection now so it's always a struggle to go window shopping without breaking in and throwing my money at them (usually pennies). They're Autumn jewellery collection is especially brilliant this season and they've got a lot of small beautiful pieces which look great with their latest Knitwear and range of winter cardigans. So basically, this season is all about Topshop,

adios!
adios!
(love)

im not dead.

okay,

im back

have had a lavely vacation + a good busy summer so far.
but i am back, after a stressfully pointless gcse experience + all that exam shindigarry. and i'll start blogging

non-nonsense

from now on (so not my random ramblings about boys + vodka, and other tripe)
so yeah, glad to be homeeee xD

au revoirrr, ;)
<3

hey, erm, it was 'something' after all. yeah, sorry about that. i don't love you after all :/

is it really shit that i now know my blog is officially unpopular? no.

partly because:

a) it never was"popular" whatever that means.

b) now i can confess everything without fear of the person i am 'confessing' stumbling on this very post.

c) there is no 'c', but you can't just have an 'a' and 'b'.

my post about a month ago (maybe more, i have no sense of time or space anymore due to gcse's) 'I LOVE YOU. or something'. well, its kind of sad when that word is overused + i am a criminal of that very offence. i didn't love him at all. i was just hormonal + fell in love with any boy who gave me a wink and got me drunk at a party. yes, at the time he was spectacular, + articulate, + beautiful + charming + sensitive.

but he's not.

he's actually slightly neurotic + badly behaved. not even in a sexy-riding-motorbike-dark haired-cheating, lying-yet-irresistible-scum kind of badly behaved. just annoyingly-incessantly-'lets-throw-rubbers-at-the-back-of-your-head'-childishly-overwhelmingly badly behaved.

so not great to be honest.

+ laugh it up, roll your eyes and sigh at my tragically pathetic life, but i think i love my best friend. no. don't hit the 'x', it's not a girl. he's a boy. and he's practically married with a house in the country. he may aswell be, that's how far him + his girlfriend are in their year + a half relationship. bear in mind he's 16, 17 in september. oh god, this is tragic.

but he is, and it took me until a party on saturday (29th) to figure it out + once i had i decided to drunkenly shout it out and tell everyone in a 5 mile radius of my discovery.

but i do.

and its so so very sad.

we were all very drunk, and he left the party to go to the newsagent to buy more drinks for me + him and it suddenly hit me in all my intoxicated madness. he's just a boy version of me. there's not much to it really. and he's with his girlfriend who is slightly miserable + depressive, she rarely smiles + whenever i somehow decide to spend some time with them, she's insulting him + abusing him or telling him to fuck off. so basically, she's a real find.

no.

he deserves so much better.i loved him alot before as a friend obvs. but now i just notice things. when he cups hold of my face it's not just as a friend messing about, i read things into it + start believing that he's doing it because he wants a reason to touch me. or when he tell's me i'm 'gorgeous', i make out that this is more than just him being my best friend and simply appreciating the effort i've made. and that's all it is. he's just being my best friend. the same way he's always been.

+ on Saturday i somehow realised that his girlfriend + i actually have a nice bond. only because of him of course, but at one point she was looking for him + she came running drunkenly to me and we went off together to find him. that was as far as our 'friendship' got but i did discover that she's not so bad.

and it was weird because somehow i seemed to spend more time with him than she did, + i realised that that always happened when we were out, but i'd just never noticed it because i'd never realised my feelings for him. GAAAAAAD! i'm such a mess. i should be sent away somewhere.

oh, and then i needed to pee- the bladder doesn't know what to do when it's filled with malibu- and he went with me (not into the toilet of course, just outside the door) + there was a queue so he said he was going back out into the party, not leaving completely + going home but just walking a few metres away. but he still pulled me in for a hug, and kissed me on the cheek. not just a peck, but a weirdly long one which i made a big deal of + my mind started to jump around and run in circles and do head stands- + that wasn't the alcohol.

and now we're on study leave + its quite gay because you actually have to study because the people in my school actually want to study? :/ and therefore we don't go out during weekdays much. i don't even love him. maybe i'm just starting to appreciate how amazing he is, and have stopped taking our friendship for granted now that i don't see him everyday (study leave).

maybe we should kidnap her. (the girlfriend).

or maybe i should go to bed + shut up.

bonsoir

p.s i have officially (or unofficially, considering this blog is not official as no one reads it, sigh)decided that the title of every post will now be a song lyric. a song i like atm of course.

GAHH. take me to your kingdom. and ravish me.

found my new latest, sexy obsession in the beautifully haunting form of,
ian somerhalder
look at his eyes.
seriously, just stare at them.
how is he even real?
was he made, or was he carved out of gold, shone down by a beam of glorious light.
i mean, ofc robert pattinson is stunning
but rob, sit down for a minute,
yeah...rob just bend down for a sec,
no, rob, okay, just move out the way will you? like now.
ian's behind you.
and his eyes are making me nauseous D:
in a totally amazing way.
no paracetomol necessary.
<3

au revoir.
;)

nice weather, eh?

haven't 'blogged' in a while.
have been SO rightly busy. and i say rightly because ive been revising and working, and going out as a 'privilege' and so indulgences like watching gossip girl online and 'blogging' have been ignored.
and ofc, looking for a prom dress, which im still doing. and found my actual dream dress today, and came home and realised my best friend had it. and now i hate her, only im pretending i love her, and i love her in it, even though i dont.
and then i feel like a bitch for thinking that.
and then i dont, because i want my dress.
huhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
(sigh)
feeling slightly unfulfilled atm.
ive been so great this week, like on a total high.
went to amsterdam, saw anne frank and all that jazz.
fell in love with this dutch boy who i met at this museum, but he didnt speak english.
so it sort of failed.
epically.
but he was stunning.
and we kept smiling at each other when we kept meeting during the tour.
it was lovely <3
he was lovely <3

isn't it weird how you can meet someone, know nothing about them & then miss them when you know you will never see them again.
god, im so depressing.
this is such a ramble, but i know why its a ramble.
its a ramble because im unfulfilled.
and im unfulfilled because i feel needy.
and i feel needy because i have no 'significant other'.
like a boyf.
like a boyfriend.
:(
and its not like im desperate.
like i'll have anyone who gives me a thumbs up.
because thats the problem, i wont.
im fussy, im picky and intense, and he has to be my definiton of lovely <3
and thats not the most beautiful guy in the world, with the nicest abs, and nicest...cheek bones? just lovely <3.
someone who can make the sun shine even when its raining outside.
in my head, anyway.
like the boy from the museum only accesible.
and i cant seem to find him, vice versa.
huhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

(sigh)

i feel like the only singleton in a world of married inbreds.
only im 16, i shouldnt feel like this already.
yes, when im 30, and lonely, and single, and fat and working in an office, and cellibate for a year, then i can feel like this, and no one can argue with me.
but now,
its like, i have so many other things on,
yet they mean nothing.
well they mean something, but not enough compared to this.
and its not even that im lonely, because im not.
i have the best friends, family & what not around me.
i have boys as best friends, weirdos, and boys who think i like them and text me incessantly.
only to be loved, you have to feel loved.
and its hard to feel loved if the feeling is one-sided.
yes, so he says i'm this & im that.
so?
so what?
it means nothing when he says it.
because its him.
i want someone else to say it.
someone who will fulfill me.
and be lovely <3

anyway.
nice weather, eh? ;)

I LOVE YOU. or something.

I love him.

and i've said this before, in fact many times.
in fact i'm sure i've said this about many young men hundreds of times before.
but this is weird.

because i've never noticed how much before.
he's not exactly my type.
yet somehow he is.
if i saw him in oxford street, i wouldn't suddenly think 'oh lord, theres a tasty looking thing if ever i saw one'.
yet now, suddenly he's jude law, only with darker hair and a bigger smile ( and a bit shorter).
i love him.
i love you.
and i think you know that, and i think you know how close we've gotten lately.
and how that night, if I hadn't been so drunk, and unable to function and gone home, that we would have sat hugging and talking and lying together all night. and then we would have walked away together- like we did before on that other night, when you kissed me softly on the cheek and i saw you clearly for the first time- and something more would have happened.
i think you know that theres something between us.
thats why you keep nudging me and calling me 'weird' and ' an actual mess' whenever I pass you (hardly romantic, i know).
that's why i find you staring at me and smiling when i catch your eye.
that's why in PE, you keep starting up playfights and pulling my trousers down (again, unromantic).
that's why when we stopped messing about, you pulled my legs over yours and held them for a moment, before i went all awkward and pulled myself away.
it was silly, and uncomfortable and lovely.
maybe, i don't love you.
maybe it's stupid.
but it's something.
and i feel it more than anything, even if it is nothing at all.
even if all this is just my mind wanting you to feel the same.
is it me, or is it real?
i hope it is.
because this something feels so much more than nothing ever did.
<3>