katycakesss

i love this girl. alot.
she makes me happy. alot.
she has lovely eyes + hair and dyes it. alot.
we go to the cinema. alot.
we watch scary movies. alot.
we text alot.
her dad makes me rofl. alot.
but he pisses her off. alot.
she makes me laugh. alot.
i want to eat her. alot.
but i would be sent away. alot. if i did this.
you should go to her blog. alot.
because she's amazing. alot.
i love this girl. alot.
and her name is katy race.
/x/x/x/
au revoirrrrr chicas ;)

topshop autumn selection
I ended up buying: Binocular Ring (£6.50) + the White Knit Cardigan (£42-48 [prices vary)




urban outfitters autumn selection
Bought the Patchwork Sunburst Wallet (£24) + the Lace Cardigan (£38 + worth every it)




all saints autumn selection.
Tia Bracelet (£35). Tempted to purchase the Belgique Short Gillet (shirt) which was on sale (£21) from £70








had a lovely shop in oxford street yesterday, and i am pleased to say it was VERY successful. seeing as my new dslr is coming at some point in the very near future, I'll just have to cooperate.
TOPSHOP. URBAN OUTFITTERS. UNI QLO. ALL SAINTS.and i would say river island but i just feel like for the prices they ask for the quality sort of edges on new look. no disrespect to new look, I used to love that place but its just....URH. and my once blossoming love for ALL SAINTS is deteriorating at quite a steady place after they led me on. appeared to be offering me a 16 hour pw job (kerching) and then slipping it out from underneath my feet. I've been boycotting them ever since and heading next door to topshop. i suggest you do the same :)
So they're all that I shop at nowadays and yes, they can be quite pricey shops for someone with no job (yet) but that's where parents come into the equation ;)








Topshop have a great Autumn collection now so it's always a struggle to go window shopping without breaking in and throwing my money at them (usually pennies). They're Autumn jewellery collection is especially brilliant this season and they've got a lot of small beautiful pieces which look great with their latest Knitwear and range of winter cardigans. So basically, this season is all about Topshop,

adios!
adios!
(love)

im not dead.

okay,

im back

have had a lavely vacation + a good busy summer so far.
but i am back, after a stressfully pointless gcse experience + all that exam shindigarry. and i'll start blogging

non-nonsense

from now on (so not my random ramblings about boys + vodka, and other tripe)
so yeah, glad to be homeeee xD

au revoirrr, ;)
<3

hey, erm, it was 'something' after all. yeah, sorry about that. i don't love you after all :/

is it really shit that i now know my blog is officially unpopular? no.

partly because:

a) it never was"popular" whatever that means.

b) now i can confess everything without fear of the person i am 'confessing' stumbling on this very post.

c) there is no 'c', but you can't just have an 'a' and 'b'.

my post about a month ago (maybe more, i have no sense of time or space anymore due to gcse's) 'I LOVE YOU. or something'. well, its kind of sad when that word is overused + i am a criminal of that very offence. i didn't love him at all. i was just hormonal + fell in love with any boy who gave me a wink and got me drunk at a party. yes, at the time he was spectacular, + articulate, + beautiful + charming + sensitive.

but he's not.

he's actually slightly neurotic + badly behaved. not even in a sexy-riding-motorbike-dark haired-cheating, lying-yet-irresistible-scum kind of badly behaved. just annoyingly-incessantly-'lets-throw-rubbers-at-the-back-of-your-head'-childishly-overwhelmingly badly behaved.

so not great to be honest.

+ laugh it up, roll your eyes and sigh at my tragically pathetic life, but i think i love my best friend. no. don't hit the 'x', it's not a girl. he's a boy. and he's practically married with a house in the country. he may aswell be, that's how far him + his girlfriend are in their year + a half relationship. bear in mind he's 16, 17 in september. oh god, this is tragic.

but he is, and it took me until a party on saturday (29th) to figure it out + once i had i decided to drunkenly shout it out and tell everyone in a 5 mile radius of my discovery.

but i do.

and its so so very sad.

we were all very drunk, and he left the party to go to the newsagent to buy more drinks for me + him and it suddenly hit me in all my intoxicated madness. he's just a boy version of me. there's not much to it really. and he's with his girlfriend who is slightly miserable + depressive, she rarely smiles + whenever i somehow decide to spend some time with them, she's insulting him + abusing him or telling him to fuck off. so basically, she's a real find.

no.

he deserves so much better.i loved him alot before as a friend obvs. but now i just notice things. when he cups hold of my face it's not just as a friend messing about, i read things into it + start believing that he's doing it because he wants a reason to touch me. or when he tell's me i'm 'gorgeous', i make out that this is more than just him being my best friend and simply appreciating the effort i've made. and that's all it is. he's just being my best friend. the same way he's always been.

+ on Saturday i somehow realised that his girlfriend + i actually have a nice bond. only because of him of course, but at one point she was looking for him + she came running drunkenly to me and we went off together to find him. that was as far as our 'friendship' got but i did discover that she's not so bad.

and it was weird because somehow i seemed to spend more time with him than she did, + i realised that that always happened when we were out, but i'd just never noticed it because i'd never realised my feelings for him. GAAAAAAD! i'm such a mess. i should be sent away somewhere.

oh, and then i needed to pee- the bladder doesn't know what to do when it's filled with malibu- and he went with me (not into the toilet of course, just outside the door) + there was a queue so he said he was going back out into the party, not leaving completely + going home but just walking a few metres away. but he still pulled me in for a hug, and kissed me on the cheek. not just a peck, but a weirdly long one which i made a big deal of + my mind started to jump around and run in circles and do head stands- + that wasn't the alcohol.

and now we're on study leave + its quite gay because you actually have to study because the people in my school actually want to study? :/ and therefore we don't go out during weekdays much. i don't even love him. maybe i'm just starting to appreciate how amazing he is, and have stopped taking our friendship for granted now that i don't see him everyday (study leave).

maybe we should kidnap her. (the girlfriend).

or maybe i should go to bed + shut up.

bonsoir

p.s i have officially (or unofficially, considering this blog is not official as no one reads it, sigh)decided that the title of every post will now be a song lyric. a song i like atm of course.

GAHH. take me to your kingdom. and ravish me.

found my new latest, sexy obsession in the beautifully haunting form of,
ian somerhalder
look at his eyes.
seriously, just stare at them.
how is he even real?
was he made, or was he carved out of gold, shone down by a beam of glorious light.
i mean, ofc robert pattinson is stunning
but rob, sit down for a minute,
yeah...rob just bend down for a sec,
no, rob, okay, just move out the way will you? like now.
ian's behind you.
and his eyes are making me nauseous D:
in a totally amazing way.
no paracetomol necessary.
<3

au revoir.
;)

nice weather, eh?

haven't 'blogged' in a while.
have been SO rightly busy. and i say rightly because ive been revising and working, and going out as a 'privilege' and so indulgences like watching gossip girl online and 'blogging' have been ignored.
and ofc, looking for a prom dress, which im still doing. and found my actual dream dress today, and came home and realised my best friend had it. and now i hate her, only im pretending i love her, and i love her in it, even though i dont.
and then i feel like a bitch for thinking that.
and then i dont, because i want my dress.
huhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
(sigh)
feeling slightly unfulfilled atm.
ive been so great this week, like on a total high.
went to amsterdam, saw anne frank and all that jazz.
fell in love with this dutch boy who i met at this museum, but he didnt speak english.
so it sort of failed.
epically.
but he was stunning.
and we kept smiling at each other when we kept meeting during the tour.
it was lovely <3
he was lovely <3

isn't it weird how you can meet someone, know nothing about them & then miss them when you know you will never see them again.
god, im so depressing.
this is such a ramble, but i know why its a ramble.
its a ramble because im unfulfilled.
and im unfulfilled because i feel needy.
and i feel needy because i have no 'significant other'.
like a boyf.
like a boyfriend.
:(
and its not like im desperate.
like i'll have anyone who gives me a thumbs up.
because thats the problem, i wont.
im fussy, im picky and intense, and he has to be my definiton of lovely <3
and thats not the most beautiful guy in the world, with the nicest abs, and nicest...cheek bones? just lovely <3.
someone who can make the sun shine even when its raining outside.
in my head, anyway.
like the boy from the museum only accesible.
and i cant seem to find him, vice versa.
huhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

(sigh)

i feel like the only singleton in a world of married inbreds.
only im 16, i shouldnt feel like this already.
yes, when im 30, and lonely, and single, and fat and working in an office, and cellibate for a year, then i can feel like this, and no one can argue with me.
but now,
its like, i have so many other things on,
yet they mean nothing.
well they mean something, but not enough compared to this.
and its not even that im lonely, because im not.
i have the best friends, family & what not around me.
i have boys as best friends, weirdos, and boys who think i like them and text me incessantly.
only to be loved, you have to feel loved.
and its hard to feel loved if the feeling is one-sided.
yes, so he says i'm this & im that.
so?
so what?
it means nothing when he says it.
because its him.
i want someone else to say it.
someone who will fulfill me.
and be lovely <3

anyway.
nice weather, eh? ;)

I LOVE YOU. or something.

I love him.

and i've said this before, in fact many times.
in fact i'm sure i've said this about many young men hundreds of times before.
but this is weird.

because i've never noticed how much before.
he's not exactly my type.
yet somehow he is.
if i saw him in oxford street, i wouldn't suddenly think 'oh lord, theres a tasty looking thing if ever i saw one'.
yet now, suddenly he's jude law, only with darker hair and a bigger smile ( and a bit shorter).
i love him.
i love you.
and i think you know that, and i think you know how close we've gotten lately.
and how that night, if I hadn't been so drunk, and unable to function and gone home, that we would have sat hugging and talking and lying together all night. and then we would have walked away together- like we did before on that other night, when you kissed me softly on the cheek and i saw you clearly for the first time- and something more would have happened.
i think you know that theres something between us.
thats why you keep nudging me and calling me 'weird' and ' an actual mess' whenever I pass you (hardly romantic, i know).
that's why i find you staring at me and smiling when i catch your eye.
that's why in PE, you keep starting up playfights and pulling my trousers down (again, unromantic).
that's why when we stopped messing about, you pulled my legs over yours and held them for a moment, before i went all awkward and pulled myself away.
it was silly, and uncomfortable and lovely.
maybe, i don't love you.
maybe it's stupid.
but it's something.
and i feel it more than anything, even if it is nothing at all.
even if all this is just my mind wanting you to feel the same.
is it me, or is it real?
i hope it is.
because this something feels so much more than nothing ever did.
<3>

hate is a strong word. but i really dont like this.

i HATE being in on any night,
especially one in the holidays where there is no school the next morning and i could easily be out, with my beloved vodka.
i know that sounds so bad, but why lie...i get drunk, quite a lot. and i enjoy it.
but yes...last day of term, and guess where I am.
this is no internet cafe. i am at home. :(
gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.
i actually had the option to go to this boy's party/gathering/chance to get pissed tonight, and was begged, but as usual, the parental units stepped in with their authority and cowboy rops to draw me back in, just when i thought that at sixteen, i was finally flying the nest.


the excuse this time :'thats a dangerous part of london he lives in, we don't want you going out and getting stabbed'.
im being serious.
don't they realis?
sure there's black on black crime and racist stabbings and what not in east london.
but i'm a girl. girls dont get stabbed.
its only the boys that get stabbed.
:/
(oh dear, what a deadly looking instrument)

still, here I am, pissed off and needing a drink.
somehow tomorrow night seemes so so far awayyy D:

au revoir.
or should I say
Auf wiedersehen!
due to my expedition to holland next week ;)

<3>

hey rob- remember me? ;)

okay SO.
'Remember Me' is out 2nd of April in the UK.
who's excited?
im honestly finding it hard to compose myself now, especially when it's everywhere, and im in the street shouting 'REMEMBER ME!' and poor, defenceless passers by are thinking 'no, thank god'.

it should be interesting to see him in a non-edward-cullen role, & also not stuck to the hip by a constantly ovulating and blinking bella. (seriously, she has her arms around him, and she still looks like she's on suicide watch)

anyway, if by any chance you did not share my undying passion for rob pattinson, I've left some amazing photo's that i found (not randomly, they are my desktop/phone wallpaper) for you to gawp at. and you will gawp.



(my personal favourite ;)

ahhhh don't you just love him.
gaaad i need to go watch new mooon,

au revoir
xD
<3 <3

AH. r-pattz. no. its robert pattinson. show some respect (:

weirdest mood like EVER.

isn't it the worst thing when you see your best friend crying & truly upset and you cant do anything about it. urgh. then i started listening to keane, which made everything worse.

but then i looked down at my phone, saw robert pattinson's face (we will we ever be together my love) & my life found a whole new meaning, a new purpose, a new unforeseen direction. twas amazing.
im born again.
i may just dedicate a whole post to the beautiful man.
because he is actually stunning.
not in new moon, no, not where he resembles the paedophilic druggie that used to wander outside my old house (another story, we moved house, he was imprisoned) but an actually amazingly beautiful young man.
is it too far to say i love him?
too far.
and this isnt even some stupid crush resembling the pathetic ones on justin beiber (who looks like my dog, and i dont even own a dog, but he still somehow resembles my dog) and daniel radcliffe. seriously daniel radcliffe? far enough the harry potter produces gave us little to gaze upon during the films, but daniel radcliffe? i would rather shag voldermort. and hes green.
why not give the lead to rob pattinson, hes perfectly hot, and can shake a stick around (the wand) and still look sexy and amazing.
nevertheless the harry potter's are some of my favourtie films of all time so these insults are my fickly moaning. pining my odd mood on poor daniel radcliffe and his ugliness.
still will be posting lots of rob photos up- for my entertainment more than anyone elses ;)
gooooodnight,
farewell,
adios,
au revoir.
<3 <3

quote of the day: run out of custard creams. so my concentration span is slightly off.

quote of the day.

biology teacher: "why do skin cells divide?"
voice of uninformed child: "cos if they don't, you'll grow and your skin will fall off, and then all your muscles will fall out'

unfortunately, this was said in my gcse biology class mainly existing of 16 year olds.
made me laugh though.
probably cos the more serious issue, that we would be dead if our insides just fell out seemed to be slightly less important than the disappearance of biceps.
gaaaaad, i love biology.
looking for a prom dress, any ideas?
i know its got to be one shouldered, and have some embellishment, but not too much so i look like a drag queen on meth. and long too.
i should really be doing coursework. but I'm not,
and its not even like i see that as an issue or anything,
with it being five pages, and it being due tomorrow morning :/

<3

"SO, how was your day?" "good"

had a strange day.
watched an episode of gossip girl which made me feel extremely complacent about love and relationships and things. it was one of the 'usual' ones full of everyone having sex and kissing and being all happy just to emphasise how single everyone watching is.
it was actually a good episode though.
i did enjoy it.
but it made me a tad sad.
and now i'm watching one born every minute.
yes, the maternal show about giving birth.
its the one where they show the mothers who've had permature/diabled babies.
not that they're in the same category, cos premature is so not disabled, but still.
i didnt make the show.
i wouldnt be happy though, to be all premature and find out that they're calling me disabled, would be a tad pissed off.
not that theres a problem with disabled children.
in some sense.
still, im watching it.
and its WEIRD why when your in a depressive mood do you make yourself worse with james blunt (who is for some reason famously known for singing sad songs, when they're NOT, they're just shit), and sad films, and thinking about him/her and how he/she would look with you as your facebook profile picture.
it makes things worse, but slightly better.
and if this baby dies, it might tip me over the edge.
and this is the girl who one 'happiest girl' in the yearbook.
<3 <3